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ADULT JOKES
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A husband and wife were sitting in bed watching a TV program about the psychology of mixed emotions.
The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, why do you watch this crap. Nobody can tell me anything in just a few words, that would make
me happy and sad at the same time."
The wife turned to her husband and said: “Honey, out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis."
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A young couple just starting to date each other decide to travel up to the mountains for a week-end romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood for a fire.
When he gets back to the cabin, he says to her, “My hands are freezing!”
She says with a smile, “Well, you really should wear gloves and a hat. But
that's ok, just put your cold hands between my thighs and that will help to warm them up.”
After a few hours he goes back out again to chop more wood.
When he returns he says, " Wow, my hands are really freezing now!”
She looks at him and says, “For crying out loud, don’t your ears ever get cold?”
Q. What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
A. They don’t have time.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It’s not hard.
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An old Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, during World War Two, a beautiful girl knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from
the Germans... so I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for food and rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, the war was was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk, you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans
had found you hiding her, I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge
you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's quite a load off of my mind. But can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"
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