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A husband took his wife to play her first game of golf. Swinging the golf club wildly, the wife promptly
hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the
course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now with everyone pointing and laughing at us, we better go up there, apologize to the owner, and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said,
“Come on in."
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over
the place, and a very large broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window
glass.
"Ah" the man said, "You're the people that broke the window and my priceless antique bottle?"
"Uh... yes sir. We're sure
sorry about that, but now we're not sure if we can pay for the damage." the
husband replied.
"I see" the man replied, " but Oh, no apology is
really necessary. Actually I want to
thank you. You see, I'm a
genie, and I've been trapped
inside that bottle for many
years. Now that you've
released me, I'm allowed to
grant three wishes".
I'll give you each one wish,
but if you don't mind, I'll
keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like
a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll ALSO guarantee you
a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what is it that you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,"
she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "AND your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary
and all natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked almost in unison, "what's
your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle for so long, and
haven't been with a woman, my wish is to have sex with
your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee,
honey, you know we both now have a fortune,
and all those houses, what do you think?"
She
mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You
know, you're right. Considering our good
fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what
about you, honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon
enjoying each other.
The genie had been insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie
rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked,
"How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"No Kidding," he said. " Thirty-five years old and both
of you still believe in genies?"
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A woman pregnant with twins was rushing to a local hospital to deliver when she became involved in a terrible car accident.
She fell into a deep coma that lasted nearly six months. She wakes up and finds that she
is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the attending doctor
about her babies.
The doctor replies, 'You
had twins, a boy and a girl. They
both are fine. Your brother came in shortly after your arrival here, and
named them."
The woman thinks to herself, 'oh no,
not my brother, he's so dam clueless!'
Expecting the worst, she asks the Doctor, " Well,
what's my daughter's name?"
"Denise" says the Doctor.
She was somewhat
relieved, 'Wow,' she thought ' that's such a beautiful name, maybe I was
a little wrong about my brother, I like the name
Denise.'
Then she asked the Doctor, " What's my sons name?"
Looking up from the chart, the Doctor replies "Denephew"
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