This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo.

As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide.

They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage.

The people all cheer when they see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around.

During one acrobatic attempt, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage!

As he lies there stunned, the lion roars.

He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!"

The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"

A lawyer went duck hunting in the deep south. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, a farmer asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, sp I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!"

The old farmer smiled and said, "I don't like lawyers, apparently, you don't know how we do things here in the south. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the three-Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The Yankee attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the Yankee lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.

His second kick nearly wiped the lawyer's nose off his face. He was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to say he would give up.

But the Yankee lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, " Naw yankee, I give up. You can have the duck."

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