A philosopher was out riding in a car when it crashed into a tree. He found himself standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

The Devil said, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you will be considered worthy enough to go to Heaven, if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."

The philosopher stepped up and said, "Would you bring me a wooden chair?"

The Devil brought forward a chair.

"Would you now please drill 7 round holes through the seat?"

The Devil did just that. The philosopher then sat down on the chair and let out a very loud fart.

Standing up, he asked the devil,

"Which hole did my fart come out from?"

The Devil closely inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."

"Wrong," said the philosopher, "it came out of my asshole."

ZAP

the philosopher went to Heaven.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded, he asked, 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'

I'm like... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!

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